TigerBlack62

I want to go back in time, not working in this hellhole. I want to scream until my lungs are exhausted. I want to punch something until my knuckles get sore. I want to bite something until my jaws are numb.

I don’t want to go back.

The toxicity of the office is getting worse.

Last week was the first circle of hell. This weeks the fifth and it’s just Monday.

I’m sick of not being man enough. I fear I will jump back to bad habits. I’ve been clean for a year.

Federal regulations ain’t cool. Even less when you work for one.

Screw this place.

I’m reaching a point where I can’t tell where I am or if I’m dreaming or I’m in rl. I’ve been working overtime non-stop because these motherfuckers don’t know what to do to have their shit together. And me and my coworkers are getting screwed over. Fuck, my box of Xanax is already over and I have to wait until Thursday to get prescription for another one.

I’m using these journals as a way to vent the bad stuff  because those morons have no idea I have dA. Glad I don’t have my info around, else, I’d be screwed.

Still looking for other jobs but knowing the situation of my sector... guess graphic designers aren’t even wanted here. Guess I’m trapped. I’ve heard of news of better opportunities up in the north. Guess I have to save a lot and move the hell out of here.

Oof....

Where do I begin...

Work is stressful, I hate my supervisor, I can’t trust my manager, I’m growing afraid of the directors of the company I work for... I sometimes vent to a director who likes me... but what if my vents are a weapon she can use against me? My supervisor is a piece of shit. He gives me instructions, I follow them as requested, then I get yelled at bc it’s not what he meant. This asshole is playing with my patience....

I also got into work accident, sorta. I’m not sure what I touched with both of my hands that it made reaction with my skin, resulting in gross blisters sprouting from my palms... some of them exploded and ended up in the doctor’s office. My hands are almost healed... but the same thing happened again and have to use gloves bc I can’t touch anything without agonising in pain.

I’ve been prescribed Xanax and Celexa... the latter makes me feel heavy, without the wish of getting up... mind you that I’ve been taking these for a couple of months now. Therapy and these pills are not cheap and I’m not made of money...

I want to be active again, be the guy who’d draw fanart and post stuff every few days or so.

Family stuff? Guess it’s all back to normal.

Guess it was time to show a sign of life here.

And also a summary of what happened in these two (?) years.

- Work overload
- Almost got fired (twice, but it was because of a supervisor’s fuck ups, and still, who listens to a low-rank employee like me?)
- Art block
- Ashamed of my skills
- Met Stan Lee in an event a year before he died.
- Mental Health issues (more outbursts/meltdowns than usual)
- Got insulted by my own family
- Stuff got bad where I live; the company I work for almost closed down due to new regulations from the federal offices. We’re now being overworked and I’ve been using my phone more than my laptop... it’s been months.
- I’ve wanted to quit the office but I can’t bc I need the money. We’re being overworked like some kind of slaves. And pay checks ain’t that high but unfortunately it’s my only option.
- I tried to commit suicide, twice.
- I bought a car last month, but the former owner scammed me. It needed lots of repairs and I’ve sued them for not letting me know this. They said it was in a very good condition. They’re going to jail in a few days. I got the call from the lawyer.
- Parents used my credentials to buy a property two months ago, without me being aware. Did not know until I received my pay checks, lower than usual. Not sure if I can sue them for this. I don’t even know how they even dared to counterfeit my signature. The place I work for has way too much proof I never left the place when my parents were making the deal. Also we have cameras outside the building and if they say they went to my workplace it won’t work... need to speak with the lawyer and how much would it cost me. I’m beyond furious at the moment...I’ll throw them both to jail if I can.

This is most like a vent journal, and the last one I’d do... maybe for now.


Thanks for everything.